I wasn't born a Christian. I became one when I was 15. I joined the Seventh Day Adventist church through a seminar they held. I was impressed by what they had to say and by the way the 20 part series went. It made sense to me.
That was 21 years ago now. A lot has changed. Unfortunately, the simple world turned complicated and the simple answers stopped making sense.
I'm not a scientist. I consider myself an intelligent person, one who was always interested in politics and history even as a teenager. I read up a lot on astronomy and on geology. I don't understand now how I studied these things and remained a Christian.
I understand why "fundies" are how they are. I know that many of them mean well, while some have a feeling they're superior to the rest of us. I used to have that same feeling. God was on my side. God loved me and was going to take care of me.
The sticky part is, there is a rule that I read and believed in. If any part of the Bible is false, the rest cannot be trusted. Every word is the inspired word of God and is absolute truth. That made sense to me and I never read anything in church to lead me to believe that the Bible was not a book for me.
Genocide changed that. God's chosen people wiping out nations? Babies being slaughtered? Pregnant women being slaughtered? Keep the virgin girls as spoils of war? What?
I have been told I don't understand. I have been told that God has a mysterious plan we cannot comprehend. Damned straight I don't comprehend. Genocide is NEVER right. Genocide is completely and totally opposed to a loving and forgiving God. The fact is, the warm fuzzies of Jesus and the New Testament are directly in opposition with the wrathful God of the Old.
Once I figured that out, I started looking into things further. I didn't believe in the flood. It's not possible geologically. I didn't believe the Tower of Babel story either. I didn't believe in Jonah and the Whale. The cards fell from there.
I have been told to "listen to my heart." My heart is often wrong. If the heart was always right, we wouldn't have divorce and we would all marry our first girlfriend or boyfriend. The heart is often wrong and mine has been wrong often.
The fact that I enjoyed history, astronomy and geology also chipped away at the wall of faith I had built. The Earth was NOT 6,000 years old. The universe was not 6,000 years old either. Mankind did not walk with the dinosaurs. Evolution is just a theory, but so is gravity and there is a lot of evidence for evolution.
The answer to every question you don't understand is "Goddidit." Hey, I used to use that one myself. I would cherry pick in science and pull things I felt supported my narrow view and ignored the rest.
At some point, that madness had to end. The madness had to give way to rational thought. Yeah, I have to take things on faith no matter what side I take. The difference is, a scientist in Brussels or Moscow or London doesn't work to disprove God. Creation Science seems to exist to try and debunk evolution. The scientists around the world are not trying to debunk anything. They make observations and report their findings through peer review. If they're wrong, it's exposed quickly and disposed of after that. Creation Science is an oxymoron as it doesn't work on the scientific model, but on trying to make everything fit the Bible. Everything becomes, "Well, you don't know how the universe started." No, I am not a scientist. I will venture into cosmology and see what people who actually have studied the field have to say about it.
The part that pisses me off is the overall belief that I hate God or that I am somehow less human. I must have no emotions. I must be a cold and indifferent person.
I always hold the door open for a lady. I am curteous. I treat people as I want to be treated. I believe in saying please and thank you. I don't stab my friends in the back. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I closely monitor what my kids are doing, who they play with and what they watch on TV. I don't abuse my kids or my wife. I believe everyone is equal, regardless of race or nationality. Morals and ethics don't fly out the window because I don't believe in God anymore. If anything, I have lost my invisible safety net and the excuse that the Devil makes me do bad things. Nope, I made me do that. That was MY doing and the owness is suddenly on me.
It would be a more romantic world with God in it, sure, but it would be awesome with Hobbits, wizards and orcs too. I just prefer reality and what I can see, hear, taste and feel.
That's all my energy level allows for now. I'll expand on this later, probably in my all over the place kind of way...
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